Stop the mind games

Being a content creator seems easy right? Just write a blog post, throw out a video; job done! But after years it’s time I stop the mind games!

I have struggled with my mental health my whole life; I had anxiety a lot as a child and struggled being accepted and understood by both kids and adults around me. Back in the 1980’s though, there was not much emphasis on mental health and in my whole school there were like three students who had anything that was known.

However, looking at children today and the fact that 10% of children between 5 and 16years old have a diagnosable mental health condition… well things have changed a lot! Finding out you have mental health needs earlier in life will give you the skills to cope with life.

My personal mental health journey has been spoken about a lot on the blog, so I will skip all the details. But I have been diagnosed with chronic depression and generalised anxiety disorder, and I suspect I have autism.

With all of this, as well as my physical health, I decided to start writing a blog on Livejournal back in the beginning of the internet. Over the years it has changed name, and where it has lived, but I love sharing my journey to help others.

I always wanted to make a YouTube channel too, and eventually I got up the courage and I made my first video six years ago. Since then, I have made a lot of disability content so please go and check it out (and subscribe).

But here is the problem, I have still not reached 2000 subscribers or got my channel monetised. I have worked so hard and done so much to try and reach those goals but for me it seems to always be out of reach.

Over the years I have met so many incredible people who have passed me and become monetised and reached those heady heights of being in the thousands of subscribers. Now, do not get me wrong, I am always happy and excited, but I often see them give up soon afterwards and it honestly frustrates me! Especially when most of the time it’s the pressure that makes them walk away.

Social media is so much harder than people realise, with so many people working on videos around full-time jobs. But getting people to watch and subscribe seems to be almost impossible, in fact not too long ago I almost gave up!

Thankfully I got the idea to make a Patreon, for just £2 a month, for that I offer artwork, spells, an extra video every month and access to a Discord server. The people who took the time and believed in me enough to support me there have really kept me going and I am so thankful for them.

Feeling like I am being left behind, or the worry there is something wrong with my videos or my channel really plays on my mind. It also takes me back to childhood where I was often picked on and struggled to make friends who really accepted me.

But I am fighting it all, I am determined to stop the mind games!

Stop the mind games:

• Self-love – I have been doing spells, meditations and affirmations to help myself break these thoughts that it is me and I am not enough. I am not for everyone, but who wants to be? I would much rather be unique and fun than to change who I am to fit in!
• Mindfulness – Reminding myself to ‘Be Here Now’ instead of lost in my negative thoughts and memories that hurt is a constant fight. But it honestly makes such a difference and is a skill I will never give up on.
• Time offline – This has made the biggest difference, having hobbies that do not need the internet wow this is a big one! Getting away from scrolling, comparing and wondering has been a big one and I hope will be something that will continue to help.
• Keep Learning – I am into manifestation magic, I have done it my whole life, but I still have to do the work. There is no point in just wondering why your channel won’t grow! Keep learning, follow creators who do the videos you want to make and learn from them, do courses and read blogs one day something will click!
• Don’t give up – The honest truth is I love my channel, but I suspect what holds me back is that my channel changes a lot. I often see other people doing well doing something and so I try it, instead of just finding my vibe and sticking with that…. see step one I am a work in progress!

I hope one day to have YouTube money, so I don’t have to get benefits, I want to gain confidence and grow my channel because I love it. But I cannot let it get into my head because I cannot record reels and shorts and do crazy content to chase the algorithm.

If you are a content creator, and you struggle with your mental health too, drop a comment below of how you cope. And if you have a YouTube channel or blog, leave the links in the comments it’s time we help one another not act like competition!

It is time to stop the mind games, and fight so that content creation can be as fun to make as it is to read and watch.

Thank you xx

If you enjoy what I do, please support me on Ko-fi as a one-off tip or on Patreon for just £2 a month!  that can help me keep my YouTube & blog going xx