Living my best life with chronic depression

There are a lot of difficult moments in my life, but learning all about living my best life with chronic depression has been the most inspiring. It has taken a lot of time and experimentation to figure it out and I thought it was time to share what works for me.

My Backstory

As I look back over my life, I realise my mental health has always been an issue, I was a very anxious child. I would be sick before school, I would worry constantly and rarely slept because I was so afraid of life.

Being neurodivergent in the 1980s was not easy, and I was constantly bullied and misunderstood as I tried to fit in. These things led to my struggling even more with anxiety and yet overall, I remember being happy when I was alone and allowed to be myself.

Depression did not appear until I was fourteen and our neighbour died suddenly in the night. I started to spend a lot of time with his partner, who was an alcoholic, and we would drink together and talk about him a lot.

I struggled to understand how someone could appear to be fit and healthy and then just die in the night. Schoolwork stopped mattering to me, and I started going out with older boys and drinking in order to try and mask my feelings.

Alcohol would be a big way for me to hide behind until I fell in love for the first time in 6^th form and for a while life felt good. The decision to go to university was not a good one, and I met someone who was very toxic and once again I lost what made me happy and turned to alcohol.

By the time I left university I had realised drinking was a crutch and stopped drinking so much. But my body constantly being stressed and anxious caught up with me and I became sick shortly after starting to find my feet.

Moving back in with my parents was so hard for me to cope with, and though I did not start drinking again I did find myself in that dark pit of depression again. It felt like a warm blanket that was too tempting to stay curled up inside and because of that I lost friends who had come to mean so much to me.

It was only when I met my husband that I started to want to come out from the perceived safety of depression and to find a way to start living my best life with chronic depression. By this time, I had seen many therapists and had gained a diagnosis, which meant that I knew it was something I needed to live with.

I look back now and wonder how I found my friends, how I came to understand myself and how I didn’t give up? There is so much trauma and struggle that I lived through, so many times I almost didn’t survive and yet here I am living my best life with chronic depression!

I am still disabled, still married and never was able to have children, but I do have two wonderful dogs. We live in my childhood home working together to care for my mom who has multiple sclerosis, which has its difficult moments.

But I am happier than I have ever been, I have a little confidence, I have love and friendship and I like being Beverley! So, how did I do it?

Being neurodivergent in the 1980s was not easy, and I was constantly bullied and misunderstood as I tried to fit in. Share on X

How do I live with Chronic Depression?

First thing I need to say, is that these are things that work for me. Please take inspiration, always take prescribed medication and consult your medical team before making major life changes.

• Romanticise Life – Living an easy life did not work for me, living in reality did not work for me. I love to make the most of every day, making small moments feel special which helps me to feel like I am enough. I am saving to decorate the house I grew up in and to make it feel like home. I love going thrifting so I can make it feel home to us all and every moment I try to make feel special. It doesn’t mean I ignore reality, but making space to make my life as wonderful as possible has helped me so much.
• I wear your best clothes – Don’t save your nice clothes for best, every day except Wednesdays and Sundays, I get dressed and I love wearing vintage witchy clothes and sharing my outfits on my social media. I am worth the extra time it takes to get dressed for three hours so I feel pretty, you are worth this too, so instead of just dressing nice when you go out, get out of those boring clothes and wear things that make you feel wonderful!
• Mindfulness – I know if you have been to therapy for depression, you have been told to try mindfulness. I have spoken a lot here on my blog, named after it, about how this saved my life. Being in the moment allows me to notice my mood and any fluctuations or negative thinking that can quickly spiral. Try it for 30 days, see if it works for you.
• Be open – This is a difficult one, but you have to be open to giving things a try, from local groups to find friends with similar interests to trying new things. Being open when you are depressed is so hard to want to do anything, but this is the key DO WHAT YOUR BRAIN TELLS YOU NOT TO!! Depression wants us to do nothing, so by doing things you are fighting the illness… crazy sounding but it works.
• Talk – Whether it is to a doctor, therapist, family member or trusted friend, talking about your feelings is important. I find getting out my thoughts stops them festering so I can get back to being mindful and not letting any depressive or anxious thoughts spiral.
• Keep it clean and tidy – Now this is a hard one, especially if you have chronic illnesses or are disabled. However, keeping your home tidy by putting away as you go and keeping it as clean as possible will help so much. This might need you to ask for help, so be open to that you might be surprised how much you mean to people and how much they have wanted to be there for you.
• Cleansing – This is a witchcraft practice that is so important and makes such a big difference. It is more than just cleaning; it is changing the energy around us and can be done by anyone very easily. Open the windows, light a candle or some incense if you are able, play some happy music as loud as you can and have a dance. Change the energy of your home along with the point before this, and the first one, you will honestly feel a big difference!
• Move your body – Speaking of depression makes us stagnant, it stops us in our tracks. Living a good life is about long term maintenance and that can be done by moving your body! Join a gym, go for a walk, do a YouTube dance routine at home, whatever you choose just, do it daily! Regular exercise has so many benefits there are too many to name, but I know when I have finished a routine from my Accessible Exercise Playlist, I feel better and happier. Doing it daily has made a HUGE difference to me.
• Eat well – Not eating at all or eating nothing but rubbish is a normal thing for anyone living with depression. But it not only has long term health consequences, it also does not feed our brains. Eating a healthy, balanced diet can be something that will feed your brain and help you fight, but it can also get you learning to cook which could be something that you find you love to do.

Overall, living my best life with chronic depression has not been easy and it is a daily fight with my brain who wants me to do nothing. But these things I have talked about I do every day, and they work, I hope if you are struggling that they work for you too. Please reach out and speak to someone if you need to, but know that you are worth the effort and one day you might look back and wonder how you actually are happy: just like me.

Thank you xx

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