Mindfully Coping with Grief

Today I thought we would have a chat about mindfully coping with grief, as it is something I am currently experiencing. Many of us struggle with the overwhelming emotions and try to escape them by numbing or distracting ourselves. I did this when my grandparents died, and it didn’t go well, so let’s chat about how I am doing things differently this time.

My experience with grief

I have been lucky in my life; I had all of my grandparents until I was in my mid-thirties, and I even have memories with my great-grandparents. Not many people can say this, and it is certainly something I am extremely thankful for, however when the time came it hit me like a truck.

Most of my life I have struggled with chronic depression, and when my grandparents passed away, I was lost. I had a breakdown and struggled to cope without two of my favourite people on the planet.

Mindfulness was already something I practiced at the time, however it didn’t come to mind to try and use it for coping with my grief. I felt overwhelmed and tried to run away from everything I had learned about mindfulness because it all felt so overwhelming.

My granddad on my mother’s side passed away and we have the funeral at the beginning of December, so we feel a little in limbo in the moment. The time that passes between a death and the funeral always feels so strange and like you are just waiting for the next thing to tick off.

However, mindfully coping with grief means that there are not just steps that need to be ticked off. It is not about numbing or ignoring your emotions, but rather observing them without judgement. This is often described as seeing them as clouds passing on a sunny day, instead of letting them crowd your mind and take your attention.

The present moment is all we have, we can remember the past and look ahead to the future, but we only experience the now. So, mindfulness is all about paying attention to what is happening in this moment and not your thoughts and memories that leave us on autopilot missing life as it speeds by.

This is a practice, and something that can sometimes come easily, but has to be done and worked on every day. It is not something you can find easy or be bad at, most people have to ‘practice’ it every day. For me, it is a constant fight as I was always daydreaming and making real life into a story instead of living in reality – something I still struggle with.

When it comes to grief, it can be easier to distract or push away your feelings, especially if you have other people who rely on you. Of course, my mother is also grieving and as I help care for her, and love her, I need to be there for her. But that doesn’t mean that my feelings are not valid or that I should ignore them because he was my grandad but her father.

This has been such a growing and learning period for me, and honestly, I feel so much stronger than I did when my dad’s parents passed away. I think this is mainly because I have prioritised mindfulness and honouring my feelings and trying to cope more healthily with them.

Mindfulness is something that so many people will give up on, but it has taught me so much about myself. I have found that it has helped me so much with my mental health as I notice triggers so much more frequently and can deal with them in a way that doesn’t spiral into a flare of my depression or anxiety.

When it comes to grief, it can be easier to distract or push away your feelings, especially if you have other people who rely on you. Share on X

Using Mindfulness while grieving

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but let’s talk about how I am mindfully coping with grief:

• Grief Meditations – I find meditation to be a wonderful way to deal with a lot of life’s madness. There are so many meditations available online now that there is no reason why anyone would not find something that works for them. I have used Insight Timer for years and most of their meditations are available for free, there are also many available on platforms like YouTube. I personally love guided meditations and have found so much comfort in them and taking some time, even five minutes, just to be quiet and breathe is so refreshing.
• Kindness – It can be so difficult to be kind to ourselves, we often are hardest on ourselves especially when we are dealing with difficult situations. Taking the time to think kind thoughts to ourselves, eat well and stay hydrated and all the things we know we should do seems to be easier to push friends and family to do. However, when we are grieving this is so important, and I have been spending more time resting, watching comforting TV shows and movies, meditating and making myself a priority.
• Witchcraft – Many of my YouTube subscribers are disabled witches, and I wanted to share that using tarot, psychic connection, etc is a perfectly valid way to cope. My craft and my ancestor veneration are incredibly important to me and something that I have most certainly turned to while grieving.
• Stay grounded – Being grounded in your body and not allowing yourself to lose reality is so difficult when memories and what ifs seem to cloud our minds. But taking time to concentrate on your breath, and to use your senses to connect with the present are so important. We all need to give ourselves time to look back and to reminisce but losing yourself in negative thoughts or wondering what could have gone differently is not helpful.
• Express your feelings – Getting thoughts and feelings out is so healthy and important so we can process them in a healthy, mindful way. Whether you want to write letters to the person, journal, write poetry, or make a piece of art doesn’t matter. Just take some time and get those feelings out so they don’t fester.
• Reach out – This is so important! If your feelings are ever too overwhelming, or you cannot cope reach out to someone. A doctor, teacher, friend or relative no matter who you decide to talk to, reaching out and getting help is so important.

I really hope that you find a way to mindfully cope with grief and that this blog post helped you in some way. Your feelings are valid and deserve the love and attention it takes to cope when we are dealing with high emotions. So, show yourself the kindness and time you would encourage a friend or relation to take. And never forget to reach out for help if you need it.

Thank you xx

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